School.

Monday, my baby started school.

It was a week late because she was sick the first week, but all of that is irrelevant now. I have a school kid. I am pretty unsure how to think about this whole thing. On one hand, my baby, my only baby has left me to go to school. For the next 15- 20 years, this little girl of mine will be in school. She will spend more time away from me than she will with me. She will meet other little kids that will become her friends. She will want to go to their houses, to have sleep- overs. She will start to spend less and less time with me. Since I stay at home with her, the last 3 years and 5 months have been all us, just her and I (not to mention the 43 weeks she lived inside of my person). But now. Now is different. Now we will have Jacob and Amy and17 girls named Sophia and Isabella and 6 little boys named Aiden to fill the space previously occupied by Mama. I can’t describe to you how weird that is. I’m incredibly sad about it, for me. For her, I am so excited. I am excited for her to love school, to learn her numbers and letters and how to share with other kids. She will figure out how to do things without me. She won’t need me as much. Someone else will be there if she falls down and hurts herself. Someone else will be there when she learns something. Someone else will be there. I am not sure how to handle that. Since she was born, my whole life has focused on this child. I left my job, my apartment in the city, my friends, my freedom to take care of this tiny person, and now I find myself alone part of the day. I hope that she won’t miss me as much as I miss her, and I hope that maybe I can find some peace in those few hours a week. I hope that I learn how to catch up on the laundry and maybe squeeze in a yoga class or a pedicure. But for now, I am confused and a little bit sad that the little girl who has been holding my hand for the last 41 months has started to pull away.